I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
