Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
