help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
