I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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