I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
