i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am naked and annoyed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
