And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
