I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
