They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
