I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
either way he was missing a nipple.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize