Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
