I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
