this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
