A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
