Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just blew my weed a kiss
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
