You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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