she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
