Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
