I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize