A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
