Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
