bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
