theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
