I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
