He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
