Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
