Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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