I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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