I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
