Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
one two three fourrrrnication!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
