Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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