I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize