That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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