she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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