if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
