I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
