I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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