Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
