I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
