Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
