Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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