If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
