I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
