The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize