I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
