you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
