Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My balls are so social today.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
