Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
