Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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