I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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