Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You're like the curious george of whores
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
