the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
