I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
