I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Randomize
