You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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