can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think your dad took our porno
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
