How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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