the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
