If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you didnt know i had herpes?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
