You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
