So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
