My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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