His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
