We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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