My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
