She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
