Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize