a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
