We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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