oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
