There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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