don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
