Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
