I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
