i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
