We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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