dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
