so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
