I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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