the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
