I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i think my cat just said my name.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
