I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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