People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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