We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
