Grow some girl-balls and come out already
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
