So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
