"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Randomize
