I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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