she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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